Deary April 4th,2008

MY CONFESSION

I standing in one the bridge of live
Without knowing where I should go
There is no place for me to lie down
With burden and sorrow on my wings
Wind told me that I need to fly
I know some day it will happen

I know I’m in the middle of buffeting
And my adversary is watch over me to die
Let me try to fight…..
Let me finish this battle….
No matter what the result
Let me belief on it

I trust with my strength
T trust that I will be fine
Don’t look at me as a child
‘Cause I know I arise
Feel my aura stronger that you

My feet strong enough to walk
For drawing ahead every single complication of live
Don’t stop me…
Just watch over me
‘Cause you will see that I grow up



“If you read this poem, you will see the different in every couplet”

BIKE VS CAR

BIKE VS CAR

The wheel rotate on the hot road of east Timor
People pass by adding fuel to the flame
No matter what they do or see
Just walk pass, I paddle my bike
Cars go so fast without permission
Don’t care that some body hit by them.

Here it is my story that I’m be conscious of the word that who have money they will win, and who ever don’t have money they will lose all their life. But I will not let it happen again!!!!!.
It was 1 o’clock in the afternoon, I paddle my bike with heart full of emptiness, and I don’t know why I’m feeling like that, but honesty I feel that way. I pass people that sit on the edge of the road and think what they are doing by sitting there. I know that may be they waiting for some thing, or just want to wasting time and don’t think about the damp situation in their life in Dili, but in opposite road I saw a lot of cars standing in front of the best restaurant in Dilli, I saw some “Malay” (foreigner in tetun language) enjoy eat their lunch in such of heat situation in un control nation.
I paddle my bike with energy from the air that I breathe, cross the road; I feel this situation is unusual especially in Dili. After overstepping the shops that open with the shopkeeper standing in front of the shop, now I standing in the cross road that near by the “Palcio’, (government office). I stop there waiting for green light in traffic light. I saw a lot of cars passed by and some of them push the horn because the cars walk so slowly, and I just laughing on that (I’m thinking why people can’t patient for a couple minutes). But and that moment I don’t realize a taxi bumping my bike and suddenly I fall of and my bike was absolutely broken, I stand up and bring my bike to roadside and come to the taxi driver and ask him to repair, but
“Hey, are you ok?” the driver asked me
“No I’m not alright, are you blind? Could you repair my bike?” I reply with some emotion because my hand and feet hurt.
“Ohh I’m sorry about it.” The driver replays “I will bring you to repair shop and repair your bike” the driver said
(This situation I speak with Indonesian not tetun because I can’t speak tetun)
And suddenly a lot of people surround us. And of them know that I’m Indonesian said
“Huh... forget about him, he is Indonesian” he said
“What?? What the hell are you talking, you hate Indonesian, look at your self, do you think you’re amazing people, you are such damn person, study hard men” I replay with high tense after what he said to me.
“Ok fine let go to the shop” the driver asked me.
And now, I stop fighting with the men that humiliate me. And go with the driver to the shop.
On the way to the shop the driver said “Hey you, we will repair your bike, you pay half and me too, what do you think?”
“Well, you make it broken so you must repair it, not me.” I replay.
“What, it’s not my false, it is your false too” the driver said with anger.
“Hey...are you blind it was red light, so why I stop in that cross and are you blind that you didn’t see the sign?” I replay
After some argument with him, he said like this
“Ok well, that is just bike why don’t you buy the new one, if my bike broken like that I will buy again and throw it the garbage cane” he said like that.
“What. Do you think I have a lot of money, now, buy one for me if you have money?” I asked him because he so proud that he have a lot of money.
“So do you think I’m kind of poor people and you just damp it on the road” I continue with strong argument and he just turned and smiled.

And finally he repairs my bike and left me in the repair shop with a couple dollars and left with the word “Just bike for poor people”
On that time I think “Does rich people always reject poor people?” I really disappointed with it.

After waiting, my bike already normal again and I could ride home. With pain and adumbrate what just happen. I paddle my bike long the way to home. It was about 100 meter a way form my house, I breezy by the road that not cover by asphalt. I saw a car upon the other side walk closer to me and it mean I need to step aside but suddenly the driver push the horn and make me astounding, and the driver didn’t give me way to passed through, in my mind I think “what the hell is that, it is not fair, it is because he have a car and he could disparage other”.

After I got home I think deeper about it, why people have money could buy anything and could disparage other. Is the world law like that?????
I hope not!!!

don't judge me...

DON’T JUDGE ME…

I ride my bike a cross the road in dilli.
With the sun are strongly shining and the faces that I don’t know.
And now, I stand in front of Internet café that I use to come.
I see some people standing on the line for buying pulse
And finally I found that I need to wait to use the internet café.
I put my bottom in one the chair to wait.
And suddenly one of the security ask me
“Hey, do you know how to read Tetun (Timorese language)?” he asks me
“Actually not, why?” I replay.
“You can’t.” With strong accent “How come you can’t read Tetun, you must know, you are in Dili, Mr.” he is continue.
“But I can read in English, I think that’s enough and I don’t need learn Tetun, I can read a little bit.” My self-defense
“Yeach you right, English huh..And you so chuffed on it.”
Replay the security and look at me with animus.
“You know what if I’m in Indonesia, I will speak Indonesia, same like you now, you are in Dili, you must speak Tetun don’t you?” He was asking me again with his judging at me.
“Ok well, I will learn some times, are you happy now?” I ask him with an abrupt answer. And he is suddenly quite.
“Any way, thank you for remain me to learn language, I’m appreciate with that.” I continue. And I got my internet access.



“ from that situation, I had learn a lot, such as if we come to another country, we must need to learn about their local language, don’t proud that we know English is the most I had learn, I know that English is world language, but do all people know about English?. Learn local language could make us back to our children memory when we start learn to speak, little by little but we still try and try even we make mistake, I remember that’s really fine if we make mistake as we know that we are learner. And I’m so happy that when we learn local language we can feel and thing that we are so weak and need other to help us learn, and when we are study we like a kids again, with fresh heart and it could lift up our stress and depress in new place, because we could laugh when we make a mistake :-)

A MAN CAN CRY TOO...

Dear Brother and sisters,

I don’t realize that next week is the last week of March, and we just passed the Easter season. I believe that each of you had a great time gathering with the family. This week I went to church without my family, and friends so I feel quite a lone, but it’s not make my days are going bad, but I’m so thankful that God still give me a chance to celebrate Easter in East Timor.
This week, I can say my days not going so easy, I learn a lot every day, even though bad situation happen in part of my days, but I thank to God that give me a chance to carry on all that burden.
Situation in dilli, getting much better, there is no confrontation from follower of Alfredo that died last month because he shot the president. And this week all the people in Dili hear that the president forgive Alfredo, so this week as every body celebrate Easter, they had learned about forgiveness. The president will come back from Australia in the end of this month or first week of April, so it is good news for Timorese, me too actually. All Timorese are hoping that the situation will get normal again. And this month rain still fall down, and it is make the heat going down. (I wrote one of the stories “freedom is in rain” on my blog). Another story is some of the refugee will got money from the government $ 4500 for their life but they must go back to their home town or house (not in refugee camp in dili), but some of them don’t want it, they still want to stay in refugee camp in Dili, from my observation I think some of them don’t want to return to their house is because in refugee camp they got support every month from government or NGO that taking care of them, it is mean they just don’t want to work, they just want to take free for every things. That’s why some times I don’t like them^-^,
On Monday, one of my friend (from Korea), she back up the entire document in the computer that I’m work with. So after she back up the entire file, she change the entire program with the new one (excel2007 and windows2007) that she just brought from Korea. So now, on my computer is use new system. So after she clean up all the virus, I put my document back, but suddenly all my document deleted by anti virus that she upload, now all my document that I need to send to Korea are gone. I really disappointed about it, because in that file, I put every thing, my financial report for 6 months especially that make me want to cry, so now I try to type again all my report that make me really exhausted this week.
So in the afternoon, I went to internet café to send some e-mail to my coordinator that now in Kupang (west Timor), and send some report to Korea, but the trouble just came out, I couldn’t open my file that I save in the flash disk, so I really get angry with that, because the e-mail is very urgent but any way I type again directly on the internet café that mean I spent more that 3 dollars. (I wrote on my blog too, by the way). After finish send the e-mail, I ride my bike to go to market to buy some stuff, but on the way to the market I got hit by a car, Hick...Hick…my bike is totally broken, but I thanks God that I’m fine, just scratch on my hand and feet. I charge the car to repair my bike after fighting in Tetun language (actually I don’t understand tetun) so on that time the driver repair my bike and I got my bike back.
The problem is not done yet, after I return home, I found that I need to teach at 4 pm, so after got home I open my book and prepare for the class. And finally my class going well, I quite exhausted with all that happen today.

After all that happen, I had learn that I need to be peaceful to face up some difficulties that happen, and another thing is a man could cry too, yess. ..on the Monday night I was cry because I feel really a lone, in such of difficult time like that. My file are gone, got an accident and teach with a lot of pain on my hands and feet. Above all I really thankful with what God just let me walk through, and I believe that God has made every thing beautiful in its time (Ecclesiastes 3:11). and i believe that some day when i face all this again i could be strong and don't need to cry

above all thak you somuch for your pray and support, may God be with you always.

please pray for
my health and all the program and my service here.

with love and prayeR

side of angger

whach over me

hey..

you.. look at me

and tell me that you are man

far or distance never took the beat

just show me your strenge

then i can force my self

you afraid of me

huh...

look you think you better than me

close your mouth couse i will show

my power

couse i know you

as week as a pity

as human can be

i had learn that angger is make my energi gone and make more depress and going under the world..